“Some of us ran so far away, during a period of survival, that we forgot to come back home to ourselves. Return home to yourself. You are safe now.” Lalah Delia

Lalah Delia describes it perfectly; I ran away so far, for so long, that I forgot entirely about the mere existence of the person I once was. I forgot all about what it’s like to feel alive, to feel motivated, excited, resourceful, calm, joyful, and to have any sense of self that persists beyond an hour. I have been in a state of fear for so long, that I had come to accept that as ‘normal’.

The lesson I’ve learned is that despite my relentless attachment to ‘independence’ thus far, we can’t always make the journey home alone. And far from being a failure, as I had previously assumed; to allow someone to help you, and guide you home, is the biggest achievement of all. In other words, “sometimes, your desire not to accept help is more harmful than righteous”. And as for the sheer terror of grabbing onto an outstretched arm, for fear of being let go; that dissolves with the growing feeling of safety. That fear is replaced with joy, gratitude, hope, and love. There is always a chance we’ll be let go, abandoned again. But what can we gain from this life if we live it in perpetual fear? To suggest that all fear can be washed away completely would be a lie, perhaps some element of fear is necessary. But having sensed the immense possibilities, there’s no question that it’s worth taking the risk.