“Our minds are all we have. They are all we have ever had. And they are all we can offer others. This might not be obvious, especially when there are aspects of your life that seem in need of improvement—when your goals are unrealised, or you are struggling to find a career, or you have relationships that need repairing. But it’s the truth. Every experience you have ever had has been shaped by your mind. Every relationship is as good or as bad as it is because of the minds involved. If you are perpetually angry, depressed, confused, and unloving, or your attention is elsewhere, it won’t matter how successful you become or who is in your life—you won’t enjoy any of it.” Sam Harris

Today feels much better, and nothing has even happened yet. It’s so easy to forget the importance of rest, but having switched off for just a few hours, the same world looks like an entirely different place.

It’s not that anything has been fixed, or repaired itself while I was away. I still feel very tired, and I still have no clue how I am going to make the long journey ahead. The difference though is that unlike yesterday, this state feels tolerable, almost pleasant. Despite the unknowns ahead, I’m able to enjoy what is here now. The quiet, the sunlight shining through the window, just the ability to sense and perceive what is around me feels like a gift.

I’m struggling to reconcile the notion that accessing a state fear and a sense of urgency is the most reliable way to induce the release of dopamine, the neurotransmitter needed to propel us into action if we want to bring about any positive change; with the intention of meditation in Buddhism, to alleviate us of life’s natural suffering.

With all of the seemingly conflicting information on the two positions, I cannot see which is the more powerful approach to leverage. Surely it depends on the goal. But is the goal of achieving Zen-like bliss inconsistent with striving for objective progress in our material lives? I don’t know. To me this seems a crucial question to answer, and in these cases I usually dive head first into research published by so called ‘experts’ in the relevant field. But this time I feel compelled to work this out through my own research, by studying my own experience. This isn’t because I don’t recognise the value of science, or of spiritual teaching. Rather, it’s that it feels like something we have to discover for ourselves, upon which we must draw our own conclusions.

My hope is that both ambition and acceptance of whatever is here can coexist. Time – and practice – will tell.